Did you say something, God?

At my church, #PastorJim has been preaching about hearing from God. He has had a good series called #SoundOn. Exploring the ways that we hear from God is the focus of this sermon series. I'm really happy to say that I needed to be reminded of some of these thoughts- especially today's sermon on "Understanding God's Faith Building Process." All of the messages have been significant in my current life. Isn't it a #pecanreport that God is always speaking to us.

#PastorJim shared part of a C.S. Lewis quote that struck me and resonated with my soul. "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." I think it hit me that my life has been like this quote. When things are going well, God whispers to us and maybe we whisper back "Thanks." That little cartoon version of myself always sits on my shoulder telling me to do good and be kind. While in my deepest pain, I have heard God's voice the loudest rousing me out of a stupor and rocking my world.

Yes, I can say that God has shouted at me, calling me out when I was deaf and lost. Some skeptics will say that what I am about to tell you is not true, but I am hear to say that it did happen. God even called my name. And, He said it twice because I was so dumbfounded the first time that I needed to hear it again.

In some of my darkest days, I was in a place where I didn't know what to do or where to turn in my despair. In my heart of hearts, I knew my marriage was over. I just did not know what I should do next. I was living with a man that I know longer knew, as the man I had married had exited many years before. It became about my own survival. I knew if I didn't leave I would not survive. Even knowing all of this, I still couldn't figure out how to end the misery because I took my vow of marriage seriously.

I was sitting on the end of my bed crying my eyes out. Sobbing, I called out to God to help me know what to do. I never expected him to answer. "Amy, it is done," was what I heard call back to me. It was loud enough that I looked around the room to see that I was indeed alone. I was by myself in the room, but I was not alone. Jesus was with me. I had a sofa in the room and I looked at that sofa because I felt like a man was sitting on the sofa near me. Shocked that I had heard this and that I was not alone, I asked again for help. A second time, "Amy, it is done," came back to my ears. This time, when that was spoken a peace washed over me like I have never known. I knew Jesus was calling because He heard my sobs and pleas for help.

Why me? Why did God use His audible voice? Honestly, I don't know. I do know that the C. S. Lewis quote enlightened me to something that happened ten years ago. The death of my marriage was the worst pain I have ever known and I hope I never know it again. I wouldn't leave because of my vow no matter how terrible it had become. I needed God to shout at me with a megaphone because I could not be roused from my deafness. Not only was I deaf, but blind and mute too. I turned a blind eye to the things that hurt me the worst and tried to pretend they were not happening. Mute because I wouldn't talk to anyone about the things that were happening to me. I would not talk to my family or friends about it. Calling out to God in that moment was the first time I used my voice with anyone to ask for help. He heard me and he answered in a way that He knew I would hear Him.

That night, when my husband called me I said loudly and clearly that it was done. I was finally ready to move on from the pain and to hope for a place of peace. It would take time, years for that matter, but peace would come. God's voice brought me peace out of pain.

Maybe God is speaking to you right now. Whispering, nudging your conscious, shouting at you with His megaphone, however He is talking to you, be still and listen. It might be the greatest #pecanreport of your life!